What's love got to do with it?
by liaskye
Summary: Fili is in a world of pain after the events of Laketown. Thorin has abandoned them, lost to his desire to reclaim his kingdom. Kili is in love with an elf who just saved his life. Fili is pretty sure his life has hit rock bottom. Works as a stand alone or part of my other story, domesticallity


Fili continued to weave his fingers through Kili's tangled mane. Still worried, the dwarrow had pulled a chair beside the bed. Everyone was in the other rooms, or asleep. He finally had a private moment alone with Kili since Tauriel had healed his fevered brother.

Fili didn't want to close his eyes. He didn't want to blink. The sight of his brother, still alive, the same mischievous sparkle in those incredible chocolate eyes would disappear again. He'd blink and be back to holding the ghost, the barely living being that looked like Kili.

The thought of being without Kili, it scared him. More than any grievous wound or torture imaginable, Kili dying and leaving him behind terrified the elder brother. He failed his brother, of that Fili was certain. So had Thorin. Fili's insides still burned at that betrayal. How many times had Thorin said this was for them? In the end though, it hadn't been about family or even honor. What good was a kingdom if you had no one to share it with? No loved ones by your side?

Fili couldn't picture anything, not a mountain full of treasure or the special Arkenstone, being more important than family. What good would come to Thorin if he was king again, only to never see Kili alive once more? Would the crown give him solace in the night? Because Fili would not. Watching his brother sink closer and closer to death's door, Fili felt his world shift mightily.

Fili listened to Kili declare his love for a stranger, an elf. Once more Fili felt betrayed, the last rock in his life totally rendered into a pile of rubble. Everything was gone, honor, family and love. Yet, Kili still lived and it was due to the she-elf. Despite how his heart shattered, Fili would forgive them, if it meant Kili survived the orc arrow. He just wasn't sure he'd be able to witness their courting, their love. Fili also realized he no longer wished to see Erebor even if Thorin reclaimed the ancestral site. All Fili wanted to do was see Kili healthy and happy. Then he'd return to Ered Luin. Be a humble smith, a quiet, single dwarrow if he could manage that much. Fili wasn't entirely sure he really felt like trying.

But for a moment, Kili was still his. It was still Fili and Kili, not Kili and Tauriel. He'd enjoy a few last minutes knowing Kili was going to survive yet another incredibly brave and foolish plot.

Kili however, was exhausted, but he felt his brother's nervous energy coming off him in waves. He sensed Fili's sadness and anxiety. Kili let go a long held breath. _'Had he really been that close to death? He didn't remember it. In fact his last clear memory was something about Thorin and a boat. And fish. But was that earlier. Damn his brain was foggy.'_

"C'mon. Get in. Snuggle." Kili muttered as he scooted to the bedside. One hand lazily patted the thin mattress. "I'm still cold."

Blue eyes grew huge, "What?" Fili stammered. "I mean, what if Tauriel sees?"

Kili blinked, frowning. "I'm sure she's seen grown males in bed together before. After all elves will shag,"

Fili interrupted, his voice heavy with frustration and a hint of anger, "I thought you loved her!"

Kili looked confused, which, considering it was Kili, Fili was used to it. Yet, this was a deeper feeling of being absolutely lost than normal. "Mahal's hammer, why would you think that? She's beautiful for an elf, I'll give you that. Got a free spirit."

"And you've been mooning over her ever since the damned spiders!" Fili finished. He still hadn't gotten in bed with Kili.

Said brother snorted. "Well, she has a nice ass to go with that lovely red hair, but I'm partial to blondes, a special one in particular." He grabbed at Fili's two side braids and tugged.

Fili fell forward, surprised. His arms went forward to support his shifting weight. Kili grinned, they were almost brow to brow.

"C'mon Fee. I nearly died," Kili whined. "Again. Nobody's here to see. Door's closed. Give me a kiss." Kili gave Fili his largest, brightest puppy dog eyes. The ones no one resisted.

Fili shook his head and to Kili's frustration straightened right back up. "You asked if she could love some lowly creature like yourself. She defied her king and her prince to heal you."

"Wow. Really?" Kili looked at the door and gave a cocky grin.

Fili stood up, "You little shit."

"What?" Kili sat up slowly.

Fili gritted his teeth and then stood up. He stalked the room as Kili watched with that loopy confused half smile on his face.

"Fee, calm down. She's a friend. A good person. I appreciate what she's done for me or else I'd be dead. At least I think I'd be dead."

"You'd be dead."

"Well, then are you mad I'm not?"

"What, are you truly mental?"

Kili was exasperated, _'why did people always complicate simple things_?' "Then what's got your knickers in a twist? We became friends. I'd help her out in a bind too. She hates it there in that awful place. She just didn't realize it until we talked."

Fili rolled his eyes and stomped back to his little brother. "Women don't just up and leave everything in their lives for.."

"For what? A lousy dwarrow like me? The spare heir who can't do a damn thing right? Is it so impossible that someone, anyone, could fall for a hideous dwarrow like me?" Kili was becoming angry.

Fili wasn't going there, "Don't start that old line of crap again. I thought you outgrew those damn.."

"Lies, insults? No Fili. I haven't. Despite, what you and Thorin and Mom believe, I was never popular with others unless I was joking around. Everyone wanted to be around YOU." Kili shoved a pointed finger at his brother, "Not me. I'm too ugly to be a dwarf."

Fili was momentarily at a loss for words. Anger drained back out of his frame and he wandered back to his younger brother. He'd honestly believed Kili had forgotten the barbs of their earlier youth.

Kili just kept right on rambling, "Forgive me, but I find the attention I get from females of other races to be flattering. For some damn reason, hobbit lasses, human women and now she-elves think I'm attractive. I don't understand it, but I'm gonna enjoy it. Because you sure as hell don't anymore."

Fili felt his breath leave him with Kili's last statement. "Where, how do you even think that?"

"Since we left Ered Luin. Actually, weeks before. You were carrying on with Delana. And don't lie to me. I know you two were fucking not just courting."

"You knew, but you've slept with me since!" Fili shouted as confused as his brother. "I mean, I was

"Were fucking the prettiest dwarrow in all Ered Luin and thought I didn't know about it. I pretended not to care. Besides, you didn't say I word as I bedded every willing female between home and Bree."

"Because when we were all alone you came right back to me. Every night, every time. Just like you promised. I've always known we had to share each other. To keep mom and uncle off our asses. That's what Delana was!"

Kili rolled his eyes and plopped back on the bed to stare at the ceiling, "Don't feed me that bullshit."

"Do you really think I'd spend all that time with one she dwarrow unless Uncle told me too?" Fili's voice hitched up with incredulity.

"What? Oh no, you don't get to blame this one on Thorin." Kili refused to look at Fili.

Fili leaned over his willful younger brother, "I can and I will. He's the one who came to me with one of his grand speeches. You know, the great destiny of the Durin line, blah, blah."

Kili saw the redness in Fili's eyes, the strain on his face, "Oh Mahal, he did?" Kili suddenly started to think furiously.

"Uh yeah, he did. If something, Mahal forbid, happened to the three of us, there has to be a heir." Fili retorted with disgust. "Like a damn fool, I sucked it all in and did my Durin duty."

"Oh shit. He did. I don't fucking believe it." Kili sat and looked up at his brother with a mixture of sympathy and disgust. "And you went along with it? You bedded Delana with the intention of having a kid?"

Fili sat down heavily beside Kili and put his golden head in his hands. "Mahal have mercy on me. I did. When Uncle starts talking, you just. It's stupid. I know."

Kili's fury was rapidly draining, he could never stay angered at Fili. His arm reached out to comfort his elder brother. "Well, then, I'm just as stupid."

Fili removed his hands and turned to Kili. Kili continued in a hushed voice. "I got a talk too."

Fili's eyebrows went up, curiosity now all over his weary features.

"Something along the lines of, you're the reckless one. If you just happened to leave behind a bastard, and if we were to all die, then there would at least be someone left, just in case. Nobody blame me." Kili added quietly.

Fili's mouth came open in surprise. "You're not shitting me."

Kili slowly shook his head.

Fili flopped backward on the bed and into Kili's lap. The realization of what Thorin had done slowly sinking into their minds.

"He did this so we'd stop fucking each other." Kili concluded.

"It's forbidden." Fili added instantly, without thinking. The hours long screaming and shouting from Thorin, Dis and Balin still rang out in his nightmares. Fili and Kili promised to never do such deeds again. And minutes later after finally being allowed to see one another, they promised to never be CAUGHT at doing such deeds again.

"That's stupid, males love males in our society more than females." Kili pouted.

"Yeah, but you know the old bitching, we're brothers." Fili's voice was now lighter with the utter realization, they'd both been tricked. His uncle was a king. King of the bastards.

"That's an accident." Kili blurted out.

Fili rolled his head and stared at Kili, "How on Middle Earth did you come to that conclusion?"

Kili shrugged, "Makes sense. I think Mahal meant us to be close together always. So he goes and makes us brothers so we'd always be together. He just got muddy on the details. Let's face it. Our creator doesn't always think things through before he acts. Otherwise our ancestors would have never been almost killed before they lived. If you stop and think about it, Mahal is a lot more concerned about the end result, not all the steps involved getting there. Kinda like how I think. Not that I'm saying I'm like Mahal, cause, course I'm not. But..."

Fili laughed, deep and hearty. "Ah, Kili. You're a nut. But you're my adorable, sweet, noble, idiot. That actually makes more sense than all the speeches and long talks from Thorin and Balin."

Kili crossed his arms. "I ain't stupid. I'm just different." Then he uncrossed his arms and reached out to the blonde. "But I've always been yours. From the second I took my first breath until I draw my last. Then I'll be yours in the halls of our ancestors. You never be rid of me."

Fili took Kili's hand in his. He drew it up to his mouth and softly kissed the tips of Kili's fingers. "You are ever mine, just as I am yours."

Kili's smile lit up the room. "So you see, I don't love Tauriel. Nor all those other women."

"Just as I don't love Delana or anyone else." Fili said as relief flooded his being. His long nightmare was truly over.

"We allowed Uncle to trick us again. He's a smart bastard." Kili grumbled as he tugged at Fili.

"Kili!" Fili was thinking it, but only Kili would be bold enough to voice it.

"Well, he's the one implying I should have one, you too. I'm gonna call him that and worse if I want." Kili was furious with Thorin.

Fili nodded, "He probably didn't want either of us to have a child outside of wedlock."

"Nope, that would besmirch the Durin line." Kili added quickly. "Although, if it was Delana he'd probably say you were secretly married or some such lie. Me, I'd just been cuffed about." Kili was setting his anger on simmer. First Thorin leaves him BEHIND, now this.

Fili reached out to brush Kili's chin, "He just wanted us to"

"Take a dip in a few females and change our minds."

"Kili!"

"Fuck. Does it really matter how I phrase it?" Kili was giving him that look, the one reserved for "**we're already screwed, let's make it 10 times worse!"**

"No, not really," Fili admitted, letting his frown at Kili disappear.

"You're cute when your all proper. But you don't have to be that person. Just be Fili."

The words struck Fili's heart. Kili had no idea that was what Fili had been contemplating just minutes before. "It's been so long. This has been a quest from hell."

"Nothing at all like what we planned." Kili agreed, Mahal he'd been a foolish child.

Fili snorted in agreement as if reading his mind, "Not a damn thing. Especially not those fucking stone giants."

"Don't remind me. I think I would have jumped off the cliff that night if you would have died. I've never been more terrified in all my life." Kili tugged Fili closer.

"Kee, you drowned. You were almost tortured by goblins, eaten by spiders and don't forget the trolls, stomped on by orcs and then poisoned to death."

"Shit, I'm awesome." Kili's smile was huge.

Fili opened his mouth and closed it again. Kili could do that to him.

"But, yea I'd do it all again if it meant you're alive." He reached up and dragged Fili beside him. Kili was rapidly becoming exhausted. "We're going to have company any minute. Just kiss me now. Remind me why we pretend so much with people we don't really want, to have our moments like this."

Fili then tenderly kissed Kili for several long minutes. Allowing himself to reacquaint his tongue to the sweetness that was his Kili.

Kili returned it with as much energy as he could muster. When Fili withdrew, Kili managed a long contented sigh. He snuggled in closer to Fili. "Tell em I got delirious, cold, whatever, just hold me."

Fili returned the embrace. "Just rest Kee, I won't let you go. I promise."

Kili just smiled as he closed his eyes. Fili was no longer giving off those lost and lonely emotions. Kili was glad as faded into his exhausted sleep.

Fili remained awake in the darkened room lost in his thoughts. He was still uncertain about their future. He didn't want to burden Kili with his desire to leave Erebor. He didn't trust Thorin anymore. Couldn't believe the words the elder said. The king had taken their uncle's place. This person was someone Fili was unsure how to deal with. The King used the two of them as pawns for the kingdom of Erebor. Thorin had told him, "You'll understand when your king."

Fili knew in his heart, he never wanted to be a king or a ruler. His whole life was a lie lived for other people, Thorin, Dis, Balin and more. Fili just wanted to be with Kili doing whatever ridiculous plan the younger thought up or just living quietly in some town.

But Fili had no idea how to make that happen.


End file.
